I've Changed
by zombie4play
Summary: He swore he had changed.But was it enough?


**One of my side stories that I just jotted down.**

**Disclaimer:I do not own anything but my own Ideas. The lyrics mentioned in the letter belong to phil collins and the recognizable characters belong to Valve.**

**Also, please review. I need feed back. I thought that by not adding the names at the beginning, I added a mysterious effect. More of a sad effect really, like you knew who they were but I wouldn't tell . I haven't changed:C**

**I've changed**

"Thank you all for coming today."

The father's Voice hung heavy in the thick air. It was if all the gravity in the world decided to gather on this small little gathering sight just to mock these people for their loss. The father didn't really take notice of the fact that there were only three people standing before him. He was hard, robotic as though he had read this thousands of times before. The three people knew no one else would show up to this horrid meeting, just those three. Three people who endured the brutal weather to come to this sorrow filled event.

It was as if they were in a black and white silent movie. Though, minus the white, subtract the comedy and instead replace it with dancing shadows and tears. No birds chirped and the grayish-green grass barley moved. It was as if the whole world was holding its breath, silently hoping that this death was true, and not that false dead that the world had endured many months ago.

They all wore black, standing tall and strong. All except one that is. The youngest of the group stood apart from the other two. He posture slightly drooped and slouched. His face was distorted into a mixture of emotions that not even he could define.

"We have gathered here today to mourn the loss of a great man…"

The only woman at this sad celebration rolled her eyes. A great man, phh. More like a dead man. But she withheld her thoughts as she turned to see the youngest one amongst them almost on the brink of tears. Her gaze fell upon the rather large African American beside her. His usually sympathetic face now not only void of all emotion what-so-ever, but also adorned a rather deep frown.

Then lastly, her gave fell upon the opened casket only a couple yards away. It's black ebony wood gleamed with such false light. She didn't even want to come to this meeting. She didn't really know him, but she did know her friend wanted her, and the big man beside her, there for emotional support. And god be damned if she wasn't going to go help out her friend when he needed her the most.

They all knew the two had an unofficial relationship during their fight for survival. It wasn't really a secret, and it wasn't really a secret that they ended on such bad terms, but the young mechanic refused to break down and cry.

The shadows of the storm clouds painted the world black. The field they were standing in would have been beautiful if not for such unforeseen circumstances crimsoned over its beauty, leaving only dark flowers flourished over a dead like field.

This picture wasn't painted with lavish colors. No, it was painted black. Black with sorrow, black with despair, black with regret.

"Let us know that he will be surely missed. By his friends, by his family, and by his loved ones."

The two standing side by side snickered at the though of their 'lost loved one' having a friend in the world. How could he? He was always so sinister, so sarcastic, so…pessimistic.

"Now, let us pray for his lost soul."

This is when the young mechanic broke down. He couldn't hold his emotions inside anymore. The silent crying soon became horrific sobs that shook his whole body. He couldn't take this anymore. It just hurt so bad. Why would he do something so stupid? Why?

He remembered their last confrontation, the very last time he had ever seen or heard from the man again. Oh how he wished things could have gone differently. He desperately wanted things to work out between them, but with all the lying it was impossible. And now, he would never get the chance again, to set things right.

The southerner whipped the tears from his eyes hoping no one saw him crying. No such luck, his friend came over and placed her hand on his broad shoulder.

"I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie."

At this he froze. His loss? He did lose something, didn't he? Something that could never again be replaced. Something permanently lost. His eyes fell upon the open casket. Then the father. Due to the ringing in his ears the mechanic was unable to define exactly what the priest was saying but he figured it was almost over, after all, he had been talking for a while now.

And as though on cue, the father closed his bible and looked amongst the crowd of three. He seemed surprised to see so little of a group. Maybe by the fact that it seemed like he wasn't all there or maybe because he never did look up once from his book. Maybe he was afraid to mess up or he didn't have it memorized, but he was confused, he didn't have a great poker face.

His momentary confusion subsided to show remorse and sympathy. He looked each person in the eyes and nodded with a knowing smile.

"Would anyone like to say a few words for our dearly departed?" He gestured for someone to go out on the podium where he originally stood.

No on moved, no one dared. What could they say for a man they never really truly knew? And the only person who could say something nice about the man was to petrified to speak. With the silence the priest dismissed it as a decline. He moved back up to his podium and coughed slightly.

"Ok, now we shall take this time to say out final farewell to this soul and continue with the burial. You have 15 minutes before the burial will continue." And with that the father left. He walked with a robotic motion, as though he was a soldier going off to war.

The mechanic stood there, knowing that he should go up and see his former loved one, but also not wanting to. How could he? He would be lucky if he didn't break down and cry like the baby he knew he was.

"Hey sweetie. Do you want me to come up there with you."

The woman looked up to the mechanic with a look of acceptance, but for what he did not know.

"Yes." The kid didn't know if he should be happy that she had offered her company or ashamed because he wasn't able to do it himself. But either way they both walked up slowly to the casket. Their shoes smashed the damp grass underneath them as they approached. The air held some kind of bitter tang to it as the boy breathed in before forcing himself to look into the human sized box. The mechanic stood there for apparently 15 minutes because the father had returned with the grave tenders.

"Sorry folks, but I seemed to have missed this one letter that your dearly departed left for us to read."

The greiving man looked at the father. A note? How could someone possibly forget to read something so important? The father looked at the two people in front of the casket and quickly dismissed them to take a stand next to their other companion, and once they did, he continued.

"I have read over the document and it informed me that either I or the one closest to this man should read it." He scanned over the small crowd and quickly picked out the youngest of the group. "That would be you son." He gave a sympathedic smile. "Would you like to read it?"

What could he have been thinking? Why would this man be asking him to read the last words his loved one had to say in this world. He couldn't. Could he? The more he thought about it the more sense it made for him to read it. After all, it would be better if someone he knew should say his final words than a complete stranger.

"Yes I would father."

So he stepped up to the poteim and was handed the folded document. The mechanic quietly unwraveled the piece of paper and scanning the crowd of five, he read.

_Hey El,_

_Why must I go? Why can't I stay here by your side my dear southerner? Do you not love me anymore? Is that it? Have you found another? One who will treat you right. Better maybe?_

_Every where I turn, I hurt someone. And for that I am so sorry Kiddo, I didn't mean to drive you away. I loved you and always will. And I still can't believe that you're really gone. Who did you run off with? Zoey? Keith? Francis?_

Ellis took a deep breath before continuing.

_I hope not. I know they all would treat you right but still, call me selfish. I still want you. I need you by my side Ellis, I've had you there for far too long to let you go now. So I was wondering if you would do a tired old man a service and come back into my open arms. Please, you're all I have left in this cruel world. You made this bitter world durable and dare I say fun. I loved having you in my life. You are the very reason I chose to live for another day, but now I can't face another day._

_I'm so sorry El, you know I would do everything so differently if I could, but I can't, and for that I am also sorry. I'm sorry that I beat you when I was drunk. I'm sorry that I yelled at you all those times when I was mad and had no other outlet. I'm so sorry that I burned your hat when you pissed me off, you were only trying to make me laugh and in turn I made you cry. I'm sorry that I kept things from you. I'm so sorry that I am me. And of all those things that I hid from you, I cannot hide my shame._

_And Now I'm begging you my love, please come back. I have learned from the errors I have made. I'll never again leave scars on you. I'll never again leave bruises on your person. I'll never again make you cry. So please just come home._

_I've changed. I swear I have. _

Ellis couldn't make heads or tails of this letter. It wasn't a letter of suicide, but of apology. It was written as if he would see the mechanic again. So why? Why would he do what he did if this was the last words that he may not have known to be his last?

Ellis had tears in his eyes as his gaze fell onto the conman in the casket. Why then? He looked at his two friends and the two looked back at him.

"Why?"

"There is also something written on the back my son."

Ellis glanced at the father and wondered how he knew. But then again, he did have the paper long enough to examine it fully.

So with turning it over he read the last sentance that looked like it had been written in a rush.

_But I guess I changed too late..._

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><p><strong>SOOOOO? Good? Bad? Anyone cry? Please review and let me know :'(<strong>

**I cried.**


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